We learn, jarringly, that success, money and apparent happiness may have nothing to do with a person's lived reality. And that's a bitter pill to swallow, writes Peggy Drexler for CNN Opinion.



And yet, there are women who are depressed, addicted, mourning the death of someone close, going through hellish menopause, being abused... , many things, who do not have anything close to the financial resources, safety nets or health care that Kate Spade had available to her. At the end of the day, these women muster the emotional strength to tie a knot and hang on. No one will ever know who they are or their struggle. So while I am sorry Ms. Spade came to the conclusion that suicide was the answer for her, I'm not "swalling that bitter pill." Please don't tell me, as some have, that I "just don't get It! 'My' first handbag was a KS!"
Perhaps because my grief is for the person who has died and those left behind, not stuff in my closet with a deceased person's name on it.

Cuz end of the day
Our soul needs peace and rest...
How much fame, associations, millions of dollars, beauty, jewellery, riches or material things can give that?... How much is enough and fulfilling?..
We are a soul, We all need to find our true inner self and do everything to nurture it and feed it..
Sadly the worldly things can bring momentary thrills and happiness! but it doesn't bring peace joy and rest...
This tragedy once again reminds us...to not be misidentified and conformed by the glitz and glamour of the world
Seek the real thing, #within
God bless her soul
Strength for her family

The brain is a bodily organ as much as the heart, the lungs, the liver. Depression and mental illness are as much a disease as cancer, heart disease, liver disease. It has nothing to do with how rich or successful one is. Those who don’t understand shake their heads when a Kate Spade dies, when a Robin Williams dies; “why wasn’t all the fame, riches and success enough?” That has nothing to do with it. It’s your brain turning against you, sending messages of fear and despair, of paranoia and inescapable darkness. The same as your liver sending destructive toxins throughout your body when diseased. Kate Spades death was a result of mental disease, and not at all “bewildering” to anyone who has lived through it themselves or with someone they love.

You never said I’m leaving
You never said goodbye.
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.

In life I loved you completely
In death I love you still.
In my heart I hold a place
That only you can fill.

It broke my heart to lose you
But I know you’re not alone.
A part of me left with you
On the day God called you home.

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To those that have extended their condolences to Kate's family and friends.....that's the right thing to do here. To those who are asking the same old nauseating questions as to how someone could do such a thing and leave her child behind....YOU are part of the problem! Each time someone of Fame passes in this way, we ALL say so much more needs to be done to put and end to mental illness. WHAT have any of you done since the last one, since Robin Williams died?? You haven't even reached outside of yourself to learn about suicide and it's evil companion, Depression! You perpetrate untruths, like if she loved her child enough she wouldn't have done this. She loved her child AND she did this......do we know why??? Well there are people out in our community trying to help get that answer. Two things can be true at the same time. You can have money...fame and ALSO be clinically depressed. Clinical depression is not a sadness you can snap out of because you have the right things in your life. We are going to continue losing people, maybe one of your people next time! I hope not! Why don't you all snap out of it, learn what clinical depression really is...donate time and money to the prevention of such sad events and then maybe I'll listen to what you have to say. There will be a next one! It's not going away anytime soon. What are you going to do about it?

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As we try to process yet another seemingly charmed life taken away by suicide illness, it begs the re-visiting of dialogue, and invites myth busting bravery. Please take a moment to read my words and please join me in this revolution of the heart.

Suicide illness is the single ONLY disease that is open season for judgement, shame and condemnation. Suicide illness is the ONLY disease for which our culture expects grieving loved ones to feel the burden of guilt and shame on top of anguish. Suicide illness is the ONLY disease for which the victims are regarded as perpetrators of a crime.

Sufferers of suicide illness are often the brightest, smartest, kindest, most creative and loving people in the world. And tragically their deep capacity for love enables their great ability to hide their suffering. This well intentioned component increases their isolation which feeds their illness until it overtakes and kills them. They die from a cruel illness that reached the terminal stage. Victims of suicide illness feel ashamed and afraid and unable to reach out for help. Suicide illness is uniquely cruel in that it makes people in complete agony feel that they must hide it and fight alone.

I hope my words bring enlightenment and comfort:

There is not a more misunderstood malady than that of mental illness. And in the substrata of this disease, the most misunderstood is what I term suicide illness. Suicide illness is what happens when depression grows up and decides to bulk up on anabolic steroids. Suicide illness demolishes a person from the inside out -- victims feel 'dead before death', so the removal of the shell becomes nothing more than a technicality. Victims of suicide illness do not "commit" their death any more than victims of cancer commit their death. I deplore terms like suicidal and suicidal ideation -- we never describe someone as being canceridal or having diabetes ideation.... “Suicidal ideation” is no more voluntarily manufactured than are medical lab results. A person cannot conjure up or manufacture an abhorrent thought process anymore than he/she can conjure up or manufacture a dangerously high cholesterol count. Just because we have not yet developed externally measurable criteria nor a lab test for healthy psyche levels, does not mean the derailment of the soul is a chosen condition.

Sadly our culture shies away from providing the care and openness needed to combat suicide illness. We retreat in fear or in sheer desperation, level guilt. We plead with God in the quiet dread of night, and we speak in hushed tones amongst ourselves. We become paralyzed with terror and consumed with vulnerability to our own mistakes being exposed through the collapse of our loved one.

The triggers for suicide illness are as individual as a thumbprint or snowflake. While one child may endure a savage childhood relatively intact, another may die from an acute suicide illness flare up over a bad test score or grade. Without expert intervention and care, the body hangs around even after the soul has taken flight.

Sufferers often self medicate with alcohol and drugs, or have their condition worsened by well intentioned prescribed medications that turn out wrong. Barbaric as this sounds, THERE ARE CURRENTLY NO TESTS THAT DETERMINE IF A PSYCHOTROPIC DRUG WILL WORK. The soft term used in the medical field (including psychiatry) is "trial and error" -- sadly with mental illness there is often zero wiggle room -- sufferers need immediate relief and lasting change in conjunction with immediate change and lasting relief. The current medical model goes like this: a patient visits a psychiatrist, or a general practitioner who shockingly is allowed to prescribe psychotropic drugs, is handed a prescription or sample pack, and is told to "come back in six weeks". That is akin to handing a tourniquet to a hemorrhaging amputee and telling he or she to "apply this and check back in six weeks". If the patient wins the medication lottery, they will experience relief relatively quickly. If bone luck is not on their side, they may stay the same....or die from exacerbation of their disease. The wrong drug can worsen an already critical condition. There are no 'crash carts' for mental illness, no snapping to medical attention as with physical illness. There is only "trial and error" with the "error" part often synonymous with death.

Death from suicide illness is not the ultimate tantrum or a display of cowardice or revenge. It is the end stage result of an unmanaged or incorrectly treated disease which can be fatal and is an equal opportunity killer. Being adored or famous or wealthy or educated or gifted does not provide immunity. A person in the midst of a suicide illness flareup suffers under the spell of a homicidal hypnotist that has taken up residence in his or her brain.

Much like a viral or bacterial infection can develop into spinal meningitis, depression can develop into suicide illness. And like meningitis, suicide illness must be treated at a 'higher and dire' level. Suicide illness is also a response to perceived trauma -- this response can even be encoded into the DNA from ancestral behavior patterns (epigenetics). We need to erase stigma and approach it like any other inherited propensity or response pattern.

I send sufferers and all who love them my utmost respect and deepest understanding. I stand in solidarity with you and all who are called upon to endure such heartbreak. Shared words and stories are powerful and provide valuable portraits of the ripple effect of suicide illness. In opening up and being generous with our experiences, we are changing the dangerously and tragically false assumptions that swirl around this monstrous disease. My heart goes out to all who suffer with suicide illness and to those left behind to endure the loss of a loved one due to a disease that is in the shadows, under rocks, and open season for the misinformed and cruel. We all must keep talking and sharing. It is only when we open the blinds and step out into the light will the tragedy of suicide illness be fully understood. And in that understanding, future tragedies averted. May all sufferers and loved ones continue to heal and find strength and purpose in the quest to prevent future deaths through unified heartstrings and the exchange of potentially effective healing modalities. May all whose inner landscape is a war zone, and all who love them unite in one chorus of heart changing voices.

RIP Kate Spade

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