While the authoritarian approach worked in the past, it's ineffective for today's generation of young ones who are far more comfortable with collaboration

           

https://www.facebook.com/cnn/posts/10158455493951509

Yes, I employ a lot of authoritarian tactics in my parenting. No, that does not mean that spanking is always, or even mostly the parenting tactic of choice. It means I am capable of saying that it's "my way or the highway", when need be, and I don't fall victim to every eyeroll, or pouty face. However, I believe that moderation is the golden rule of life. There are always going to be times when parents need to work on a collaborative approach, and lay back on being an authoritarian. The key is knowing when either approach is more appropriate. If your kids can't see you as balanced, then they're either going to walk all over you, or they're going to spend their lives in fear of you.


Old way of parenting? Teaching your children right from wrong, how to be respectful and responsible? I hope that isn't what you are talking about. No, you can't take a razor strap and apply it to a kid's butt, never should have done that. I agree that you need to know your children why you reached a decision but stick by what you say. Children have no say in what you as a parent do, what decisions you make. I would not sit down and negotiate. Someone has to be the head of the family and you can't let that fall on a child.


Flexibility for sure, explaining consequences definitely, negotiating not so much. I feel children need structure in order to learn focus and control. They also need someone to take charge , look out for their interests and feel protected. As children they need to feel secure and that their parents will always look out for them even when the child doesn't understand the methods. Children are naturally self centred as they learn about their environment and the world around them. Boundaries are necessary, everything is not about them. Our job is to guide them to a successful life by teaching them about rules, boundaries, empathy , compassion and respect. There are many ways to help them without beating them or giving up complete control. Negotiating is fine for less important issues, rules, boundaries and consequences are the purview of the parent and a requirement for the physical and mental well being of the children.



Flexibility for sure, explaining consequences definitely, negotiating not so much. I feel children need structure in order to learn focus and control. They also need someone to take charge , look out for their interests and feel protected. As children they need to feel secure and that their parents will always look out for them even when the child doesn't understand the methods. Children are naturally self centred as they learn about their environment and the world around them. Boundaries are necessary, everything is not about them. Our job is to guide them to a successful life by teaching them about rules, boundaries, empathy , compassion and respect. There are many ways to help them without beating them or giving up complete control. Negotiating is fine for less important issues, rules, boundaries and consequences are the purview of the parent and a requirement for the physical and mental well being of the children.


So, according to the headline, the authoritarian approach used to work, but kids today prefer collaboration?!
Hmm. That raises a number of questions in my mind:
Q1. Has there been some sort of mass genetic mutation in children’s brains over the last 60-70 years that supports the above statement?!
A1. I highly doubt it.
Q2. Would the above statement be more accurate if it stated that today’s PARENTS are far more comfortable with collaboration than using the authoritarian approach of parents from generations past.
A2. Highly probable.
Q3. Could the liberal, hippie, counterculture, revolutionary movement of the 1960s have significantly contributed to the rapid decline of the authoritarian approach to disciplining children including banning the use of corporal punishment in public schools in the 1970s and 80s as well as the significant increase in behavioral problems in public schools during that same time period?
A3. Highly probable.
Q4. Could there be a significant correlation between a recent report indicating that IQ scores have been declining over the past 50 years and the overall change in disciplinary tactics used with children during that same time?
A4. Highly likely.
Q5. Is it possible that child psychologists and psychiatrists educated at liberal minded universities during the 1960s, 70s, and 80s either consciously or unconsciously created and/or bought into the idea of promoting “collaboration” rather than authoritarianism as a means of disciplining children in order to enrich themselves by writing academic articles, college textbooks, and prescribing newly invented antipsychotic medicines such as Ritalin for conditions such as ADHD to millions of children?!
A5. Consciously: Possible on a small scale; Unconsciously: Highly likely
Q6. Now that this “collaborative” style of disciplining children has been ingrained in our society and the authoritarian style of discipline has been shunned and even outlawed, should anyone be surprised that children will not obey their parents for the simplest of things, are openly defiant and hostile toward their parents and school personnel, suffer from depression, anxiety, anger, and attention deficit and hyperactivity issues due to a lack of disciplinary structure, and some of them engage in cutting themselves, committing suicide, and/or committing mass shootings in schools?!
A6. Absolutely not.


It is rather silly that the very same people that DEMAND the death of millions of UNBORN AMERICANS have any say at all about another persons kids? That's THEIR LAW TOO! Killing the UNBORN AMERICAN. I don't hear them accusing Trump of MURDER because he will not do an Obama Policy slight of hand and EO them a DOCA against that Law?

CNN/MSNBC's attempt to Fault Trump as an abuser of children at the border is sad. Let me remind you all that when a parent robs a store, gets a DUI, murders someone, or commits any other crime...are those parents separated from their children? Do the children have to go to prison too or do criminals with children get exempted from getting arrested?

IT IS A CRIME TO CRASH THE BORDER!

International Law says that Mexico was to process them?
What ever happened to that? No wonder the UN is not touching this.
The UN gets into Israels border business to protect the Moztecs?

Building the wall solves both problems.

BUILD THE WALL!


I have said it many times and I’m working very hard to not follow the old’s way completely since I think that some of the things done back in the days were ABUSE. I just don’t agree with certain things. The best way is to set clear rules, explain the consequences if rules are not followed and learn how to negotiate...it works for me and I’m raising an almost 3 yr old boy! He listens so much since early age but sometimes he behaves like a normal kid. Communication is the best...(and yes, he’s been taught manners even before he started talking at 6 months and practices it very well, better than most kids). He doesn’t use electronics at all and that helps!


I raised my boys the way I was raised and I am a baby boomer. (1) to respect others, but never blindly, (2) expect others to respect them no matter how old my boys were, (3) manners, (4) that they could talk to use about anything, no topic was taboo, (5) promoted independent, critical thinking skills, (6) everyone is an equal no matter gender or socioeconomic group, (7) mistakes are lessons learned, (8) value of giving to those in need, (9) reason for a punishment, (10) self respect and values, AND yes, (11) collaboration. Each generation is influenced by the world in which they live, so don’t blame millennials for the world previous generations created and condoned.


It would not be helpful to compare specifics because the different generations grow up facing different specific issues and problems. However it would be fair to compare attitudes. I am 41 this year so considered a X or maybe a millennial Y and when I look at my Grandma, God bless her soul, her husband died young and she had to work menial jobs to bring up 7 children alone and through world war 2, my Dad and uncles and aunties, said they never hear a single complaint throughout their lives. And its probably true for alot of such people in those times. However put a young person nowadays in similar situations, its most likely going to end up on social media how the world doesn't understand and how the government doesn't help enough. It seems that for them to do something, everything else must happen in their favour before they can do something. Of course not all young people are like that, i have seen many with fantastic attitudes but unfortunately in Singapore they are plenty more who demands that conditions are right and not them doing the right things first


10ºWhat has to be understood is: Why would kids want to do things that kill them? The body is not designed to kill itself and neither is the mind nor instincts. It looks nothing like a suicide machine. Only disease like depression makes you kill yourself and so do drugs in a dellusion falling off the cliff sort of state. If they can remember things outside of the uterus like music or voices, they are more than developed in several ways. Other ways take obvious time for them to grow. What makes them want to do something that makes them do things that could harm, damage and kill them? What does it look like to them? and is it traumatic or something worse? They need to draw it out