1ºChet Chungus the team nutritionist couldn’t get Bush’s homestyle in the family size can, and instead got van d camps in cafeteria size and they say ilia just snapped. Flipped out. He skate smacked the guy, hit him with the triple lutz to the back of the head, hog tied him up by the river and spoon fed him the entire industrial size can of beans. The only reason he was found and rescued is cause pheasant/ duck hunters could hear his higher than usual decibel farts from their blind and he farted in Morse Code till they arrived Because the team needed him to reach the finals, there was no investigation and the team swept the whole thing under the rug. CNN won’t report that you he same way they won’t report zelinski’s true height (under 5’6). Say their names white silent farts are violence
2ºHow often, in the history of sports, do we see something never done before? Very... very rarely. A quadruple axle is scientifically proven to be the most difficult feat in sports. Many experts thought that the quadruple axel was impossible. Illia Malinin made the impossible, possible. What Ilia did was on the level of Alex Honnold free soloing El Capitan. Illia Malinin earned himself top honors at the ESPY awards... but this is figure skating. The heteronormative political machine will not celebrate nor reward one of the most brilliant accomplishments in sports history. It's a great day for figure skating. It's a sad day for sports history. I hope I'm proven wrong.